Oh, I fogot to tell you- I’m married. (Part 1)

For the life of me I may never understand or comprehend men or women that get married and decide to have an affair. For the purpose of this story, let me further clarify what I mean.

1. The “Honest” cheater: The men that openly wear their wedding ring and cheat with women that simply don’t care that they are married.
2. The “Same Time Next Year” cheater: The men that engage in affairs with married women. (Same Time Next Year is a movie about two married individuals that meet up at the same time every year to have an affair over the course of 20-30 years- a very good movie and a must watch)
3. The “Whoops!” cheater: The men that truly slip up and fall into another woman’s vagina.

I’m talking about the “Messy” cheater: The men that set up online profiles, with a single status, and relationship goals listed as; dating, long term, and marriage. This cheater is the scum of the earth cheater. This cheater should have his balls cut off and put into a meat grinder. This cheater I have met on two different occasions, that I am now sure of, and this post is all about my encounter with The “Messy” Cheater.

I first started talking to V_OKC in the beginning of 2016. He messaged me one day and we spoke on and off for about a week or two. We finally exchanged numbers and made a plan to meet up on Sunday afternoon for coffee. He texted me to say he wanted to reschedule, which was fine as I had just finished a long run and just wanted to stay home and relax. We said we would reschedule sometime in the near future – this never happened but the blame is on both he and I.

Almost 6 months later he contacts me again on OKC. I just ended a “dating-ship” with another gentleman so I wasn’t in the best of spirits. When he messaged me I was more blunt that I would have been, had I never spoke to him before. I was in the “no time for games mentality – come correct or don’t come at all”. He explained that he had lost his phone and my contact etc. So myself, being optimistic and attracted to him, decided to give it another try. We spoke for about a week via text and on the phone, morning, noon, night, essentially all the time. In my mind I’m thinking; could this actually result in a positive ending? He worked in building management, lived on the upper east side, in his mid 30s, no kid, and down with the swirl. We agreed to meet for cupcakes on a Sunday afternoon; I met him at Two Little Red Hens. He was already there waiting for me and when I walked in I knew him immediately. He was gorgeous! Nice skin, clean shave, and short hair, deep brown eyes, and nice lips. He got up to give me a hug and his arms were just the right amount of muscles for his body. He got on line with me and purchased my cupcake (chocolate blackout) and latte and we sat back down.

We talked about everything: education, politics, differences in our cultures, (he’s from Albania), food, music, and the time flied by. I was so happy to finally be on a date with someone I was physically attracted to and that didn’t scoff at a $5 latte. He had a career, no kids, we had similarities, and he lived near me- how much better could it get? We sat there for what might have been 4-5 hours talking, it was dark out and the place was closing so we walked to his car. We got in and sat and talked some more. He asked if he could kiss me and even though I said yes, my mind was thinking what took you so long? The kiss was perfect: hot and passionate, just like I like a kiss to be. We stayed in his car kissing for almost an hour and then we realized it was almost midnight, so he drove me home and kissed me as I exited. The next morning conversation went the same as before. Good morning texts, afternoon texts, evening calls all lengthy and in depth. We spoke about past relationships, dating, friends, hobbies, and ideal relationship goals, sex, and fantasies. Nothing in our conversations and exchanges gave me any red flags; this went on for about another two weeks. Then suddenly I stopped hearing from him.

Now, you should know this about me; some women think their man or a guy they’re seeing is always cheating on them. If he doesn’t answer his phone or a text or is 5 minutes late he’s with another woman. My mind does not work that way. I know that both men and women cheat but they are not all cheaters. So when I didn’t hear from him I honestly thought, like last time, he lost his phone or as with other previous experiences, he lost interest. But I gave it a few days because I really like this guy and I wanted to give the fantasies in my head time to become a reality.

The fantasy of us cuddling and kissing on the couch, the one where we’re walking down the street from dinner, the one where we’re both exhausted from passionate love making and in each other’s embrace. It all could have been a reality if I just have faith. But I grew impatient and gave him a call.

To my surprise, he answered. I don’t give him more than 30 seconds before I dug in. “Why haven’t I heard from you? What happened? We had a good first date and talk for weeks then you disappear- what’s your issue?”                                                                      There was a pause – and then his reply came.                                                                               “I know- I do like you and I want to keep getting to know you. But I forgot to tell you I’m married”

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FORGET THAT YOU’RE MARRIED??

In that moment, standing in the all white bathroom of my former job, I saw nothing but red. Had he told me in person, I might have punched him, very hard, in the face. He tried to smooth it over by saying again that; he really liked me and even worse, still wanted to get to know me… HOW SWAY?? I told him to lose my number and forget he ever met me.

Now some of you might say it was a blessing that I didn’t do anything with him or whatever. But the damage was already done. I am one of those females that, depending on the vibes I receive, my emotions will grow. I start to visualize a near future; first romantic dates, then intimacy, then a romantic relationship. The problem with that is, when the reality hits me that all the romantic possibilities I hoped for will never become a reality that fantasy world comes crashing down and with it some of my heart.

Part 2 Next Week