POLYAMORY CHANGES

It’s been almost two years since I’ve been living a polyamorous love-style, and it has still been one of the best decisions I’ve made in a very long time. When I look back and evaluate what has made living poly so unique, one word comes to mind, change. 

Many things have changed since I’ve begun living poly, and the master change has been my expectations and “rules.” When I was living monogamously, I had expectations that never seemed to be met (at least not by the men that showed interest). There were also many rules I once had that I’ve since dismissed or lessened dramatically since being polyamorous. 

This pandemic threw a flaming monkey wrench into my dating life and plans. I had hoped to build upon the connections I already had. I had hoped to finish my book in the summer and promote it across the country. And lastly, I had hoped to be out of my parent’s home. However, with the city shut down (I live in NYC) and minimal opportunities for inclement weather date-nights, dating expectations became limited and scattered. With cafés, and bookstores closed, my comfort in writing was halted for months. And, since the city shut down, the organizations responsible for construction shut down as well, and my ability to move hit a brick wall. 

All wasn’t lost, though. Sex-positive people never stay without sex for too long, and over the summer, I reconnected with a partner from my past when he asked me to accompany him in a swap. We chatted up and got reacquainted, and he expressed his desire to “get to know me better.” We had planned a date, then the city shut down again (LOL!) Anyway, we’ve been in contact, and he bought my book. When he got to the part where I mentioned my strict “no kids” rule, he was concerned. I had to explain to him, that was a rule I had when I was monogamous. But, now that I’m polyamorous, I’m open to bending it. 

This was my first time really acknowledging that my rules when dating poly had shifted. I am spoiled. I was spoiled then, and I am still spoiled now. I want what I want. When I was dating monogamously, because my partner was the only one, the last-minute adjustments of dating a man with kids were always an issue. Knowing that I had maneuvered my entire day or week to be available for him to cancel or change plans if he had to pick up his kids or whatever, I would get pissed. Monogamy had him as my only target, and all of my expectations rested upon his shoulders, and that wasn’t fair. Being poly and having multiple partners and relationships and my relationship with myself, I never exhaust my options. If a date has to cancel, I may still be a little bit upset, but it’s no longer the house of cards tumbling down it was before. 

Being polyamorous, having multiple partners and relationships (including the one with myself) now allows me to have financially fair relationships as well. Because my primary love languages are gifts and acts of service, I like and want shit! Dates, flowers, candies, trips, and etc. But I’ve always thought of myself as a fair girlfriend. I never wanted or expected so much from a partner that it put a strain on him. Many would say, “it ain’t trickin’ if you got it.” But most of my partners didn’t have it, and I knew it. And since I couldn’t be with someone solely for financial gain, I found myself in many fair or financially imbalanced relationships. 

However, with the above realization, being poly has made space for relationships I may have otherwise turned away. Repeatedly going out at one partner’s expense can be a financial burden. Having multiple partners to date on occasion allows my date bucket to remain full, without the strain. Living poly has also allowed me to re-prioritize and consider myself a fantastic date. 

When I sought monogamous relationships, my alone time was a byproduct of my partner’s cancelation or lack of funds. I was forced to find happiness in being alone. But now, that happiness is genuine and very welcome. Those long hours of being alone allow me time to decompress, zone out, and refocus my energy and goals. I get up, make my way to a restaurant, read a book or listen to a podcast, and go for a nice long walk all by myself. Before poly, what a partner didn’t have would’ve been a huge deal breaker, but in this pool of poly-love, the laser focus is no longer on the perceived negatives. 

The poly changes allow me to see and experience a different kind of love, a love that’s not solely based on what my partner can do for me but how I feel for and with them.

CORSET. COLLAR. LINGERIE. (Part 1)

I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for over a year… HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO TALESOFTONEY.COM I wanted to give a Thank You to all my followers, and the people who read my blog. This post is my birthday present to you, for sticking with me. And, I hope you continue to follow me on this journey.

New Year! New Perspective! New Experiences!

CORSET Part 1 

I walked into club armed with my handmade “HERPES +” necklace and “HERPES WARRIOR” bracelet. I decided to make my dress for the occasion; it was black, short & tight. I purposefully installed a front 2-way (top or bottom) opening zipper, easier access, if the evening took a turn for the better. Underneath I wore a corset that snatched my breath and waist away and pushed by breast up to my eyeballs. I looked and felt like sex.  

I had entered the party with the hopes of getting frisky but considering my herpes positive status I didn’t want to be too presumptuous. The club was more like a lounge, so I sat down at the bar. I chatted with the bartender that was willing to answer any question I asked her (as she has been part of the lifestyle for over a decade, she was very friendly and informative). I took the opportunity of my extremely early arrival to take a look around. There were a few male stragglers (none of which I was attracted to) and a few females enjoying hookah. I ascended the death-trap stairs and entered the “NO CELL PHONE” zone. Upstairs there was porn on the walls, 3 private rooms, a couple’s room, a group room, and a 6-person shower (I imagined on a busy night, that would be an enticingly sexy scene). After I got the lay of the land, l went back downstairs- ecstatic I made it without twisting an ankle. (I could imagine drunken women tumbling down the stairs on a regular occasion; but luckily since no phones could be out, they would only be haunted in their memories. I returned to the bar, and continued to sip my tequila (BYOB) and pineapple as I continued to observe the entering crowd.  

Couples had started to arrive; some were dressed in casual attire, while others were dressed to play. Many men wore jeans and t-shirts; while, women donned lingerie, body suits, or like me- dresses that left little to the imagination. My first conversation was with an Indian man, who was in a very sour mood. He told me he had attended on Valentine’s Day, but because he got too drunk, he was banned from bringing alcohol in the future. He complained that couples and some party-goers were racist. This, I thought was interesting, considering the fact that I made my decision to attend this particular venue because I heard the patrons looked more like me. I didn’t want to feel like the last kid picked for the team so I wanted to go to a place where my body type would be idolized vs demonized. He was kind of draining my energy so I was happy when he snuck out to drink from the liquor he had in his car.  

The next man I spoke to, we’ll call him Latch, was much more positive. He was heavy into the life with his ex but was inactive for a while. He told me all about his life and I acted like I really cared. He inquired what made me want to come to a sex party and I told him. For years I was nervous to attend because of my herpes status but one day I said ‘fuck it!’, did a little research, emailed to a plethora of swinger and poly forums, and decided to RSVP. His response was the usual “You’re so brave” etc. And then came the questions; so how do you keep your partners safe and what about your past relationships, etc. I told him the same story I recite every time I plan to have sex with a new partner. I take my meds (Valtrex or Acyclovir), abstain during flare-ups and just remain hyper aware of my body. It was enough to put his concerns at ease, then he invited me upstairs.  

I felt his eyes locked on my ass as he walked behind me. I was thankful I had walked upstairs earlier, had I not this strut would’ve looked way less sexy. We entered the room with an MFM 3-sum going on. There were people around taking in the sights and I admired the view. When they ended up near me, her hand grabbed my breast and it was all over for me. I locked on her lips and started sucking her breasts then made my way down to her clit. She was delicious and kept moaning “you’re a goddess” in my ear. Hands were on my ass through my fishnet tights and I got so wet. I kissed Latch and we went to the other side of the room. He removed my boots and tights and I sat on his face and he made me cum. I returned the favor and another patron came to join, I flashed him my bracelet and he joined the party as well. After a few rounds we got thirsty then headed back downstairs.  

This is where he got the name Latch. Back downstairs he continued to tell me more about his life; his work, his kid, his ex, blah blah blah. I didn’t want to be a bitch; I mean after all he did just pop my sex-party-cherry but, did I have to stay with him the entire night? I got tired of hearing him speak so I suggested going back upstairs. In the same room there was the same 3-sum going on and 2 more couples (one in full action while the other the girlfriend looked a little timid). Latch and I found our corner spot again and had a round of oral. I wanted to eat some more so I approached the other couples. I asked the first one if I could suck her breast- she declined (which is always a possibility- and when it happens you MOVE ON! (NO MEANS NO!)). I asked the other girl getting pounded out and she pulled my head down (so- I guess that was a yes!) When I had my fill of that Latch took me to a private room. He ate me out two more times. We tried having sex but he couldn’t keep it up, so eventually we went back downstairs.  

Sitting at the bar and feeling satisfied with my orgasms accomplished I locked eyes with a guy that got me wet all over again. His BDE (Big Dick Energy) pulled me all the way in. But Latch, true to his name, didn’t leave my side. It was getting late, approaching 4am, and I was ready to go home. I escaped to the bathroom to regroup and, when I came out Latch had disappeared- GREAT! I made a bee-line straight for the door and called my Uber home (he had offered me a ride, but I was quite done with his company). As I was putting on my jacket BDE walked into the coat check area. It was obvious that he wanted me to stay and play but since my Uber was on the way and I didn’t want to ruin my rating or run into Latch again, I declined. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet at a later date. 

Part 2 (COLLAR) Next week.