CHEERS TO THE NEW YEAR (2019 Recap)

Dear 2019, 

I’ll be sad to see you go, but I’ll remember the beautiful times we had. At the stroke of midnight, my family welcomed you with prayers and open arms. We made our traditional “Happy New Year” and “I Love You” calls, drank some champagne, and eventually retired to sleep.  

My first post in 2019, Yay! She’s Back was a story about my vibrator’s love for me. In the summer of 2018, I had made the decision to stop having sex, because I needed to allow my mind and heart to heal from all the heartbreak I had endured in 2018. I needed to re-devote my energy back into myself, and I didn’t want the exchange of negative energy that sex often brings. So, being that the only forms of safe sex are either abstinence and masturbation; writing a story on masturbation seemed quite appropriate. 

Inspired by a member in the support group that I attend; I decided to write and publish my, first ever, post on herpes; The Ex That Never Left. Hitting publish was the hardest thing I did in 2019 and it was the post that would forever shift the tide and purpose of my writing. Being positive for 10 years- ‘it was what it was’ and I operated on a need to know basis. When I started to write my blog, I had no intention to ever discuss herpes. But, I realized that, to be a great writer, meant to be vulnerable and to let people in. I couldn’t continue talking around herpes, I had to call it out and give it a seat on stage; especially if I planned to stand in my truth of sex positivity.  

With herpes out in the open, I was finally able to take bigger steps toward being the writer that I am now. I wrote about my first 3-some experience, in Turn Up while also coming out as bisexual. Because I wanted to experience a woman alone, I went on The Hunt. Unfortunately, I never found a woman or couple that was actually willing to meet up. It became abundantly clear that if I wanted to explore being intimate with women, I would have to step out of my comfort zone and walk into a sex-club.  

In March, after being ‘celibate’ for almost 8 months, I walked into my first sex-club; but it wouldn’t be my last. Being the new honest writer that I was, I wrote all about my experiences in; Corset, Collar, Lingerie 1,2, and 3). In concluding that I was, indeed, bisexual; I also discovered that I deeply enjoyed being an exhibitionist, amongst like-minded individuals.  

It was during this time that I started dating again. However, this time around I was playing by a different set of rules. Over the years of dating, since I was 14; I had experienced my share of heartbreaks. During my time of celibacy, I realized that I had set unrealistic expectations on my partners and they did the same to me. I realized that I dated, like many other people, only for the end game. I missed out on cherishing all the amazing moments because I was only focused on achieving one thing. It was then I realized that, not only was I limiting my capacity and the ability to love; but that I was forcing myself to be someone that I was not. It was then that I decided I would love polyamorously; and in Working The Garden, I dived deeper into my emotions.  

With my mind and emotions finally aligned, I was surprised to see how quickly my sex life got on board. For the first time, in a very long time, I was dating how I wanted, with men whose company I genuinely enjoyed, and the sex was not only good, it was kinky as well. I was finally able to explore sexual acts that I was nervous to explore prior in (Tabooty 1 & 2). 

In June, I discovered an invite-only sex-party; and I slowly became a regular on the scene. I was enjoying my moment of being an ethical herpes-positive individual, and shared it with you in (The Wonders of Coconut Oil 1 & 2). 

By the time August arrived, I had only discussed my herpes status on my blog and with select friends and family. It wasn’t until I wrote into Whoreible_Decisions, and was chosen to be a guest on their podcast, did I finally decide to go fully public. I first told the remainder of my family, I made all of my social media public, and I waited. I was surprise at how many people reached out to me after the episode dropped and I immediately knew that I had made the right decision. Naturally, because I was nervous, I had missed some key pointers, so being that I did have a platform of my own (even though small) I elaborated on some of the things I wish I had said during the podcast, on the blog post Things Unsaid.  

By the end of the summer, I was fully invested in the poly-love style. I had one primary partner that I loved dearly, whom I met at a sex-party; (I Only Wanted Sex: Then you happened) and I was dating three other men. Eventually one of the men realized that dating multiple women wasn’t for him so he ended things; (Tales of a Polyamorous Heart Break), and I, in true fashion, wished him the best.  

I was finally living my life to the fullest; I was building amazing connections, having great sex, and living and loving my truth; (End of My Hot Girl Summer & You Can Have It All). 

Surprisingly polyamory was flowing smoothly. The only difficulty I found was having to explain, over and over, to people that weren’t in the lifestyle that Polyamorous Does Not Mean Sex-Addict). Other than that, I encountered no real roadblocks and/or difficulty dating, even while being herpes positive.  

As I write this, I could never have imagined being where I am now.  

After appearing on the Whoreible_Decisions podcast, I’ve been a guest on multiple other podcasts;  Shit! I’m 30 podcast, Something Positive for Positive People, and during my visit to Philly, to see Elton John, I (with my primary partner) were guests on the UnCumfortable w/ Muva Esh Podcast.  

In addition to publicly speaking about herpes on various podcasts; in the early fall I became a member of HANDS (Herpes Activists Networking to Dismantle Stigma). Almost every day I receive a new message from a person that tells me, hearing my story has helped them in some way. Who ever thought speaking publicly about having herpes would help so many people? It was a big step for me to take, but I’m happy that hearing my journey can help others. I offer tips on how to disclose to potential partners How Do I Tell Them. And I use my years of experience and words to combat bullying within the herpes community If Only It Were That Simple. 

In the year 2020 I foresee major changes in my personal life and career. I’m currently working on a book that hopefully will be out in the Spring of 2020. I’m also in the process of writing my memoir; and the future holds more fantastic ventures for me.  

So, I hope that you have enjoyed my 2019 re-cap and I hope you follow me into 2020.  

Happy New Year!! 

CORSET. COLLAR. LINGERIE (Part 2)

I’ve always loved chokers. When they were a thing in the 90s I thought they were quite sexy. They had a resurgence a few years ago; but I decided to upgrade to a Collar.

COLLAR 

Last year when I decided to be more adventurous, I had joined a group on meetup. I was over meeting vanilla men on regular dating apps so I figured the men on an app for Swingers & Erotic Events, would be more up my alley. However, once I joined; the men that reached out to me dried up my juices quicker than the desert sun. Between the cornballs that were broke and just wanted to fuck and the grandpas looking for “a sweet young thang like me” YUCK! I removed myself from the group, with the quickness.  

A year later, riding the wave of my first successful sex party, I decided to rejoin the group and see what they had to offer. Through the app, I ended up speaking to a guy we’ll call “J”, and we agreed to meet up at the party. The event was promoted as BDSM, fetish, and kink. So, when I RSVPd, I expected a night of whips and chains, hot wax and bondage. I even went to Pleasure Chest and got a leather spiked collar for the occasion. The dress I made was similar to the first, but longer and the zipper was in the back. I learned my lesson from the first party to not wear full tights. So, over my lime green thong I donned garter style thigh-high fishnets, for easier access. 

I took an uber to the venue and I arrived a little after 9pm. I ascended the stairs and luckily for females, the price, when I arrived was free… ALL HAIL THE PUSSY! I checked my coat and went up the next flight of stairs to the main level. My dress was already a hit with the bouncers, as they told asked me to “walk slowly” up the stairs, which I happily and enticingly did. Entering the room, I immediately saw the NO CELL PHONES signs posted everywhere. I chatted it up with the bartender for a bit, as it was still quit early and only a handful of people were present. I stepped into the bathroom to snap a picture of my outfit where green lighting did wonders. The combination of my cleavage and collar looked fabulous. I returned to the main room; there was a random arrangement of couches, love-seats, and on the wall was outdated porn. Seeing to action going on, I sat on the sofa and watched the porn.  

I started a conversation with a female next to me on the sofa. She worked in hospitality, traveled often, and attended parties to be a voyeur. She had relationships with a DOM and was a SUB; and with certain men she would be DOM. A little into our conversation, a guy came and sat in between us. We later learned that he was from Italy, and he had attended other sex clubs in the city. So, I asked him how he ended up here and his response was, he was out and was bored- Ok, I guess? I picked his brain as to why on a Saturday night, he would choose to spend $140 to attend a sex club; especially since this one was looking to be a less than eventful; to which he really had no answer. We continued talking and watched the outdated porn. When the BDSM exhibition opened at 11:30pm, he went upstairs and the girl and I continued to talk. We talked a little more then, we decided to go upstairs and check out the show as well.  

Once upstairs we walked into the room where a man was getting whipped on an X-board and a female “DOM” was giving massage orders to her male subjects to rub her feet, and such. We watched the scene for a while then grew disinterested. We started conversations with male partygoers and when I lost interest, I went back downstairs. I had to remove my shoes to go down the stairs because they were, once again, narrow deathtraps. What was it with sex clubs and death-defying staircases? Once I got back to the main level I sat back down and watched some more porn. It was around 1pm when I called it quits. I went to the bathroom and saw that J had messaged me. I told him I was leaving and to meet me at Ampersand, because I was hungry. 

I retrieved my coat and walked outside; only to find it was raining. Ampersand was only a few blocks away but I was in 5” platform heels and the concept of walking in the rain was not a sexy scene, so I took an Uber 6 blocks. When I walked in a lady, who was beyond intoxicated, drowned me with compliments; and I happily accepted every last one of them. After the party being such a bore, I needed something, anything to pick me up. From my hair, to my glasses, my coat, and down to my shoes; she noticed and called out every detail of my ensemble. I sat down at the bar and took of my coat and I immediately felt like a high-priced escort. If a patron had approached me at the bar he might have went home with a sexy-chocolate surprise on his arm. I ordered a drink with the bartender while I waited for J to arrive.  

When J finally arrived, he looked nothing of what I expected; but he was still good looking. The conversation flowed like water on a river as we joked about the party. He had attended a few before in Connecticut and New Jersey; but this was his first in New York- huge let down! In conversation I disclosed to him that I had herpes and we talked about his sexual escapades over the years. By the time I was on by the third tequila cocktail on the list I was intoxicated and my hunger grew to starvation. We paid our respected bills, he walked me out, waited for my Uber to arrive, then kissed me on my cheek goodbye.  

I took an Uber to Cafeteria, because I knew they would be open and I was starved beyond logic; and I needed food in me with the quickness. But, of course, when I arrived at 3am, there was a line around the corner. Thank god for being a single female, I walked past the crowd, and was told I could sit at the bar; which is exactly what I did. I ordered my food, ate, and when I was finished, I took an Uber back home. I undressed, and passed out in bed. 

The next day J reached out to me and we talked some more. We exchanged Instagrams and we’ve been in contact since. He wants to “play” someday in the future and explore some things both he and I have been wanting to do sexually, and I’m totally looking forward to it. 

In the end, I guess the party wasn’t a total bust. I got a sexy collar for BDSM play, I have a new bar to add to my list, and I met a new potential partner. It was explained to me early on that, not every party was going to be a total sex scene, and I was ok with that.  

So, what! I didn’t get to explore that night; I had a date with BDE Sunday afternoon and I was certain he wouldn’t disappoint. 

PART 3 Lingerie (Next Week) 

CORSET. COLLAR. LINGERIE. (Part 1)

I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for over a year… HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO TALESOFTONEY.COM I wanted to give a Thank You to all my followers, and the people who read my blog. This post is my birthday present to you, for sticking with me. And, I hope you continue to follow me on this journey.

New Year! New Perspective! New Experiences!

CORSET Part 1 

I walked into club armed with my handmade “HERPES +” necklace and “HERPES WARRIOR” bracelet. I decided to make my dress for the occasion; it was black, short & tight. I purposefully installed a front 2-way (top or bottom) opening zipper, easier access, if the evening took a turn for the better. Underneath I wore a corset that snatched my breath and waist away and pushed by breast up to my eyeballs. I looked and felt like sex.  

I had entered the party with the hopes of getting frisky but considering my herpes positive status I didn’t want to be too presumptuous. The club was more like a lounge, so I sat down at the bar. I chatted with the bartender that was willing to answer any question I asked her (as she has been part of the lifestyle for over a decade, she was very friendly and informative). I took the opportunity of my extremely early arrival to take a look around. There were a few male stragglers (none of which I was attracted to) and a few females enjoying hookah. I ascended the death-trap stairs and entered the “NO CELL PHONE” zone. Upstairs there was porn on the walls, 3 private rooms, a couple’s room, a group room, and a 6-person shower (I imagined on a busy night, that would be an enticingly sexy scene). After I got the lay of the land, l went back downstairs- ecstatic I made it without twisting an ankle. (I could imagine drunken women tumbling down the stairs on a regular occasion; but luckily since no phones could be out, they would only be haunted in their memories. I returned to the bar, and continued to sip my tequila (BYOB) and pineapple as I continued to observe the entering crowd.  

Couples had started to arrive; some were dressed in casual attire, while others were dressed to play. Many men wore jeans and t-shirts; while, women donned lingerie, body suits, or like me- dresses that left little to the imagination. My first conversation was with an Indian man, who was in a very sour mood. He told me he had attended on Valentine’s Day, but because he got too drunk, he was banned from bringing alcohol in the future. He complained that couples and some party-goers were racist. This, I thought was interesting, considering the fact that I made my decision to attend this particular venue because I heard the patrons looked more like me. I didn’t want to feel like the last kid picked for the team so I wanted to go to a place where my body type would be idolized vs demonized. He was kind of draining my energy so I was happy when he snuck out to drink from the liquor he had in his car.  

The next man I spoke to, we’ll call him Latch, was much more positive. He was heavy into the life with his ex but was inactive for a while. He told me all about his life and I acted like I really cared. He inquired what made me want to come to a sex party and I told him. For years I was nervous to attend because of my herpes status but one day I said ‘fuck it!’, did a little research, emailed to a plethora of swinger and poly forums, and decided to RSVP. His response was the usual “You’re so brave” etc. And then came the questions; so how do you keep your partners safe and what about your past relationships, etc. I told him the same story I recite every time I plan to have sex with a new partner. I take my meds (Valtrex or Acyclovir), abstain during flare-ups and just remain hyper aware of my body. It was enough to put his concerns at ease, then he invited me upstairs.  

I felt his eyes locked on my ass as he walked behind me. I was thankful I had walked upstairs earlier, had I not this strut would’ve looked way less sexy. We entered the room with an MFM 3-sum going on. There were people around taking in the sights and I admired the view. When they ended up near me, her hand grabbed my breast and it was all over for me. I locked on her lips and started sucking her breasts then made my way down to her clit. She was delicious and kept moaning “you’re a goddess” in my ear. Hands were on my ass through my fishnet tights and I got so wet. I kissed Latch and we went to the other side of the room. He removed my boots and tights and I sat on his face and he made me cum. I returned the favor and another patron came to join, I flashed him my bracelet and he joined the party as well. After a few rounds we got thirsty then headed back downstairs.  

This is where he got the name Latch. Back downstairs he continued to tell me more about his life; his work, his kid, his ex, blah blah blah. I didn’t want to be a bitch; I mean after all he did just pop my sex-party-cherry but, did I have to stay with him the entire night? I got tired of hearing him speak so I suggested going back upstairs. In the same room there was the same 3-sum going on and 2 more couples (one in full action while the other the girlfriend looked a little timid). Latch and I found our corner spot again and had a round of oral. I wanted to eat some more so I approached the other couples. I asked the first one if I could suck her breast- she declined (which is always a possibility- and when it happens you MOVE ON! (NO MEANS NO!)). I asked the other girl getting pounded out and she pulled my head down (so- I guess that was a yes!) When I had my fill of that Latch took me to a private room. He ate me out two more times. We tried having sex but he couldn’t keep it up, so eventually we went back downstairs.  

Sitting at the bar and feeling satisfied with my orgasms accomplished I locked eyes with a guy that got me wet all over again. His BDE (Big Dick Energy) pulled me all the way in. But Latch, true to his name, didn’t leave my side. It was getting late, approaching 4am, and I was ready to go home. I escaped to the bathroom to regroup and, when I came out Latch had disappeared- GREAT! I made a bee-line straight for the door and called my Uber home (he had offered me a ride, but I was quite done with his company). As I was putting on my jacket BDE walked into the coat check area. It was obvious that he wanted me to stay and play but since my Uber was on the way and I didn’t want to ruin my rating or run into Latch again, I declined. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet at a later date. 

Part 2 (COLLAR) Next week.