My Covid Experience

It would be my luck that a white-lie becomes my reality. 

If you read my last post of 2021, you know I vehemently despised my then job. A potential company asked me to do a project to show the Friday before Christmas, and I wanted a day to get it done. On Wednesday, I started playing the “I don’t feel well” card to call out fake-sick on Thursday. I stayed up late on Wednesday, and when I woke up on Thursday, my chest was itchy. I didn’t think much of it since I’d taken a Covid test the day before, and it returned negative. I figured it was just a reaction to me overexerting myself days prior. 

That Saturday, I ran my first 5K, in Brooklyn, since the beginning of the pandemic. After that, I was at the mall in New Jersey. On Sunday, my mother and I went to the Spa. Monday, I met my guy friends for a drink after work, and Tuesday, I was walking around downtown all day without a mask. I was asking for trouble, now that I think about it. 

Nonetheless, I woke up and started working on the project. One of my partners stopped by, and we had a little romp. When he left, I returned to working on the project. By the end of the day, I felt like crap, and by Friday morning, I felt worse than crap. In the evening, I got a rapid test from my friend, which returned positive. I told my partner and commenced to start my quarantine. 

Here’s what I learned during my quarantine. 

1-         Coming home after a long day is enjoyable. Not being able to leave your house is a few notches away from torture. 

2-         Elderberry juice is DISGUSTING. But, every morning, I had a shot with a chaser of OJ to make it tolerable.

3-         I thoroughly enjoy cozy socks, robes, and fuzzy throws. 

4-         Door Dash and Whole Foods were actual life-savers! What have I been missing?

5-         And lastly, when I’m sick, sex is the LAST thing on my mind! 

I could care less about sex when my body aches, head hurts, sinuses are clogged, and my chest is congested. You could imagine my annoyance when any of my partners wanted to talk about sex. Especially when I’m trying to fight off a virus that has killed millions of people. SERIOUSLY! READ THE ROOM!

By the second week of my quarantine, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to get out of the house. Since I got Covid, we canceled going to my brother’s house. And since the gas still was off in my mom’s building, I volunteered to make some Christmas dinner. I needed broccolini, and since no one would deliver it, I walked to Fairway. I walked the 20+ blocks (masked the entire way) and got some fresh-fuel exhaust ridden-air. I got my groceries, came back home, made dinner and coquito, then watched A Christmas Story. Mom came and got their food; we bumped elbows, then she went back home.

After being home for 13 days, I finally started to feel better. On Tuesday, I waited an hour in the cold, got two PCRs at different locations after my at-home test was negative. After the test, I got a latte and walked back home. I worked on the follow-up project that I presented the following day, only to hear that there may still be more steps. Wednesday, one of my partners called me, but I ignored his call since he hadn’t called me for Christmas or in a few weeks to ask how I was doing. 

Another thing I learned during Covid is that people, especially men, can be extremely self-centered. I got a few “feel better soon” and “take care of yourself” messages from the usual suspects. I even got a few “let me know if you need anything” from some partners I didn’t expect it from. And from others, I got messages of their disappointment regarding my sickness and how I wouldn’t be a sex kitten. My illness didn’t matter as much as their blue balls.

Anyway, by the time I was feeling better, it was the week of the New Year. Even though I was sick, I must say it was a joy to have spent my first Christmas in my apartment alone. I’ve always wondered what it would be like, and although I wasn’t in the best health, I still made the best of it. The same goes for the New Year; I may have brought the year in at my brother’s house, but I was with my family. And when I got back to the city, my dad passed my doorway, and I settled into my place in the new year happily alone. 

Over the weekend, the results finally came back from my separate Covid tests. One was positive, and the other was negative. With two out of three coming back negative (including the at-home I took Friday morning), I was confident that I was negative. 

However, since I did test positive for one, and I didn’t want to go back to work, I took full advantage of that result and made that the reason I couldn’t return to the office. 

Today, Friday, January 7th, 2022, I’m happy to say I was offered the job. I submitted my two-week resignation letter. And because my former company wanted to live up to their asshole reputation, they accepted my resignation “effective immediately.” Can you say PETTY?

Anywho, at least this way, I get to enjoy another week of peace and walk into the new company 110% refreshed. 2022 is off to a good year!

COMPLEX ASS INDIVIDUAL

2019 was a fantastic year for my new-found and lived identity. From three romantic partners and amazing sexual encounters, I explored more of my sexuality, mentality, and emotions.

In this everchanging society of sexualities and titles, the world can become a very confusing place. It took me years to finally accept my desire for women, but I still struggle with my attraction level for the women I find myself attracted to. I still desire intimate connections with women, but not in the same way I do with men. As long as he looks good and has a nice penis, I can be sexual with men. However, when it comes to women, physical attraction is just the tip of the iceberg.

A few years ago, I had my first intimate encounter with a woman during a threesome with her male partner. Because of them, I was instantly spoiled.  After them, I tried and failed miserably to re-encounter a couple of their magnitude, attractiveness, and desire to please but was disappointed.

A few times, many of my male partners tried to encourage me to join them in a threesome with a female companion of their choosing, and quite a few times, I’ve had to shut it down. It seems that no matter how many times I say it, many men seem to think that my bisexuality is for their pleasure. It is not. I have no desire to be intimate with a bi-curious woman. I could be with a woman who is not bi-romantic, but I prefer a woman that enjoys pussy as much as I do. In addition to that, I want a woman that I can vibe with outside of the bedroom. Because sex is always better when there is a genuine connection.

A woman that I can talk to and build a bond with is what I desire, not just a chick I can fuck.

***

For much of my adult life, dating was a complicated dance routine. The act of dating was fine, but once I found myself in a relationship, I struggled for my identity. Make no mistake, I love(d) being with my partner(s), and I revel in the private moments we share. However, the issue always came when I had to juggle we time for me time.

I love being by myself. I love going for long walks while listening to a podcast. I love laying in bed, legs crossed, tossing and turning under my covers without a care in my dreams. I love sitting at home watching TV or in front of my laptop writing without any distractions. I love making last-minute decisions to go out and grab a drink or dinner. I love moving at my own speed, not taking into account anyone else’s schedule, and doing what I want when I want.

For years, I didn’t have the language for what I was and how I felt. Then I happened across an article that described me to a tee, and it concluded that my traits are of someone who’s solo-poly. I’ve made the statement in previous posts. But my happiness, peace of mind, and satisfaction will always be my highest priority. I will consider the feelings of my partner(s), but if they affect me in a less than desirable way, I make the best decision for myself to dismiss them. Growing up monogamous and living my solo-poly truth is a constant juggling act to stay true to myself, but I think I make it work.

***

I have always been temperamental when it comes to sex. Don’t get me wrong; I love sex. I just don’t love sex all the time. Over the past year, my desire for sex has been a dysfunctional rollercoaster, in constant need of repair. With the pandemic, my career, stress about my book, my current living situation, how that impacts everything, and a future that is extremely unclear and forever changing, my sex drive has been in and out of focus.

I heard about the term asexual, and for a while and I thought that couldn’t be me because I like sex. Once again, after another article clarified that asexuality could come and go based on what was going on in someone’s life, I realized that I had always experienced bouts of asexuality; I just called it a reset. But asexuality is not a choice. It’s something that you feel (or don’t feel) that you don’t necessarily have control over how or when it happens or impacts your life.

I’m a sexual being; I simply don’t always feel like being sexual. I can and have gone months without sex and didn’t miss it. Keep in mind, being a quasi-asexual and bisexual woman with multiple partners can be a lot to juggle from time to time. There have been times I’ve needed to amp myself up, be it at parties or in my relationships. And there’ve been times where I’ve wanted nothing more than to be sprawled open and penetrated repeatedly. I’m all over the place. I know! LOL!

***

I’ve always declared that I was a complex-ass-individual. Hence why living and being polyamorous fits me. One minute I’m hot, the next I’m cold. Being and living poly allows both my partners and me to get the best parts of each other and be fulfilled without sacrificing the relationship. Because of that, my partners have the free-ethical ability to fill their buckets of desire whenever I am not in the mood or head-space to do it, and vice versa. One may love steak, but everyone once in a while, you want chicken.